When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
