so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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