She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
