fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
