Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
