I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
