we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
