apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
