nut hugger
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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