i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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