Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
