i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
