My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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