She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
