I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
