Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
