I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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