What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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