did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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