this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
