just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
