i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
