Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
