we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my being single is dangerous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
