First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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