my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
