I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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