Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
