eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
