I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
