my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
