ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
