foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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