Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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