Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
