I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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