You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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