there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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