What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
