i permit you to call me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
