He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
