you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
