Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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