He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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