Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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