Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
