man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
