His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
