thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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