hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
