Where did you get a picture of my penis
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
