bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we're so committed to being not committed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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