I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
