so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
