she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
