Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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