Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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