her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need to sanitize my soul.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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